...the horrendous traffic in the city.

sometimes i wonder why i even bother. to drive. it's giving me stress. it's making me impatient. it's making my blood boil hot red.

lately the traffic has been terrible. last night, i was crawling to my destination. it wasn't even raining at that time. no visible accidents. just cars. lots and lots of them on the road. it took me more than one hour. to reach my friend's place. i was expecting only a half hour journey. based on past experience. on a friday night.

there i was. drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. in tune with the pounding of my head. fortunately i had a bite earlier. or my stomach will join in the symphony.

i tried to relax. i made a point to be nice. a courteous driver. i guess i was ok. coz this time, i didn't have to rush there. no pressure to be on time. just be there. that made the difference.

i missed the times when i was driven around. i missed having friends to pick me up. to send me home. to chat with while stuck in the traffic. i missed being dependent on others.

that's the price of getting a car of my own.

...fluffy pink pen for the feminine me.

Watch out for the fluffy pink butterfly pen I bought. I'm gonna post the picture up.

Can you imagine kwazy berry holding that pen, scribbling her thoughts in a pinky cutey notebook (iMAC??) ala Legally Blonde style.

Hmm... means I gotta get me a toy dog soon, do my nails, practice bending to pick up stuff...?

Ok guys, don't get heart attack imagining kwazy berry turning oh-so-ladylike.

...changing the 'C's to colour up my life.

No, it's not about improving my grades. I'm not under that kind of pressure anymore. Not that I ever was. But I do feel sorry for those of you who are studying in this era.

So what are the 3 'C's that I need to change? It was kind of an epiphany revealed to me by my sis.

1. Change Church
2. Change Clothes
3. Change Career

A lot of people "advise" me about no. 1 but I shall not, in this posting, talk about that.

I shall reserve no. 3 for later when I feel like dwelling further into it.

The most interesting of this lot is no. 2. One of girl's hot topics. My sis said (supported by my bro-in-law) that I dress like an old lady. Hmm... okie... maybe that was not exactly what she said but that's the point she is trying to make. You know... that my clothes make me look like an aunty. Exclude the fact that I AM an aunt.

So, what I did was to make her pinpoint which of my clothes, did she think, made me look older. Well, we were halfway through that when I got interrupted, so our discussion has yet to be continued.

Anyways, I sort of do agree with her that I need to revamp my wardrobe. Too many blacks and browns. Too many plain mono colour designs. Too many baggy loose stuff. I do have reasons why I chose those (comfort being the main reason) and not others. Sometimes, I think I do dress a bit too conservatively.

So, now I'm accepting fashion advice from any fashion gurus out there. Tell me, what must I have in my wardrobe? How should I dress to maximise the "me" in me? What kind of outer look should I portray (does it also reflect the inner me)?

In the meantime, I will go shop shop (to actually buy is a totally different story), then I go chop chop (away with clothes that I don't wear anymore but still keep in the wardrobe), and finally hop hop around town with the hopefully new look?

...the goodness of public holidays.

a few weeks back, i read that an opposition member had commented that we, malaysians, have too many public holidays. this arose because labour's day and wesak day both fall on the same day. therefore, the government has decided to declare may second a holiday as well. inside me, i was thinking, hey mister, you are not going to win votes with a comment like that.

later, it was announced that april twenty six will be the installation day of the new agung. it will be a public holiday for all government offices, public sector, schools and banks. the human resource minister encouraged the private sector to also declare the day off. the key word here is encourage, not compulsory.

i thought nothing much of it until... slowly, one by one, my friends told me that their company has announced the day off. that made me increasingly jealous of the generosity of their company. so i keep hoping and wishing, hoping and wishing, yet trying not to keep my hopes up too high lest i be disappointed.

suddenly, came the good news. my company has declared the day off. i was so elated, in high spirits that i could not stop smiling. the happiness the news brought forth just made my day. in cheerful mood, i work with renewed zest. i did my work with joy and in earnestness to finish as soon as possible because i have something to look forward to. a rest day.

that's the goodness of public holidays.

...any volunteers to interpret my dream.

i remember blogging about the topic of dreams before. and here i am again doing so. i guess it's kind of fun to find out how people will interpret my dream and what meaning they will glean from it. well, i'm not a good interepreter and my dream is not logical, as usual. somehow what each one of us will perceive from it depends on our current emotional situation and the circumstances at that particular time. ok, let's not waste more time. here it is, in summarised form and as far as my memory goes...

last night, i dreamt i needed to cross country borders. what separated both countries is a river. actually, the country i wanted to cross over seem more of an island. i needed to take a boat across. at first i couldn't see the pathway to the jetty. so i slid down to the river bank to check it out. at the river bank, there was some kind of instrument (resembling an inverted cone, something like one would see along the road, just turn it upside down). i wondered what it was but something else distracted me. i saw an official looking guy, whom i presumed would be the person i can ask information from. so i proceeded to walk back upwards, away from the river bank. after a few steps, suddenly a crocodile pop out of the river. i was so shocked. it seemed to want to take a bite off my leg. incredulously, i felt its expression of regret that it surfaced a bit too late and missed its juicy meal out of me. it then dipped itself back into the river. i was rooted to the spot out of shock and i was thankful that i had moved away just in time. then, i saw another official looking guy (different from the first guy but same kind of uniform) pushing the inverted cone into place. and i could suddenly read the words written on it, beware of crocodiles. quickly, i scrambled up the river bank. while on the way up, i spotted the pathway leading to the jetty. i felt a huge relief that i found the way and it didn't involve going back to the river bank.

that's not the end of my dream. but that was the most interesting part. eeriely, this morning, when i so happen to have time to flip through the newspapers before going to work, i read a news item about a child eaten by a crocodile at a holiday resort in china. no relation but it prompted me to think about my dream.

so, what do you see, oh intepreter of dreams?

...changing colours and stripes again.

routine is b.o.r.i.n.g.

kwazy berry has never like routine. the monotonous dull existence of living day-to-day and week-to-week in exactly the same way. ugh!

ok, routine has its good points. it is orderly. it is structured. you get to improve. you know what to expect. it's safe.

it's b.o.r.i.n.g. yawn!

kwazy berry knows she need a change when she starts to feel bored over something. coz when she does, instead of being more productive, she becomes less. she becomes edgier and crazier. and she sighs a lot. sigh!

kwazy berry knows she gets bored easily. that's not a good thing. but that's how she ticks.

so, time to change her colours and stripes again.
a new look, a new view, a new plan, a new life.

...high toity nose-in-the-air i-know-it-all people.

i was reading in the papers about how snobbery occurs among the rich societe. i'm glad that i'm not part of them. coz the pressure is too much to just "belong" and be part of the in-crowd or so called popular group. i don't think i can take it. i would crack and break down, well not so much of break down but more of going nuts and screaming in a lunatic way. i guess i wouldn't trade what i am now or what i have (or not have) now for that kind of life. though i wouldn't mind if life boost me up a bit in the rich part.

as i read about how people would go, "this is the latest designer bag, you know..." or "oh, this is so last season..." or even "this costs me only..." where only is equivalent to my salary amount, suddenly it occurs to me that these lines seem a bit too familiar and too close. the sentences will go something like... "this is the newest technology, you don't know meh?" or "aiyah, i already know about it, like few months back, now only you know ar?" or even "so easy what, i also can do, that person no skill-lah".

yes, welcome to the snobbery of the IT world. it's really hard to keep up with the Joneses in this world too. suddenly, everyone becomes the expert. everyone knows it all. if you are clueless and not updated, you are left at the fringe of the "in-crowd" circle. like the snobs in the rich world, what can most people do but fake their way in too. pretending that they know what's happening, showing off and saving face.

well, it's an animal world out there. all the best to you.

...disliking one's self.

sometimes i dislike myself.

these are the times. when i...

• ...become disrespectful to a person by raising my tone of voice.
• ...am late even though i promised to be punctual (especially if the reason for being late is because i dilly dally in bed, refusing to get up).
• ...loose my temper over teeny weeny stuff just because things didn't fall neatly into place to suit me.

it's hard to be a nice person. (though i feel that it's also hard work to be mean.) but thanks to Jesus, i know i can change and He will change me if i let him.

...me marrying a rich guy.

a colleague said...

if you managed to snare a rich husband, i will become a monk.

i don't know whether to treat this statement as a personal insult or just laugh it off coz sadly enough, it has a ring of truth in it.

first, let me indulge by being indignant about it. what man... you're saying i don't have the ability to attract a rich guy?

then, i shall let reality set in. well, it's true. not because i don't have the looks or the intelligence (or "bimbo"ness) to match a rich guy. but the fact is, if you are not rich, you would not be mixing with a crowd that is rich. therefore, you will not meet any eligible rich man. which means, higher probability that you will not marry a rich man. simple logic. of course, there's always the 1% who breaks the magic circle. that'll be the fairy tale romance of happily ever after.

so because i am of a working class (sordid fact of life), i will meet people who are of likewise. and therefore, i have lower, practically nil, zilch, zero, nada chances of marrying a rich man.

well, at least give me the liberty to dream.

...the second half of year two-zero-zero-seven.

i have never left my calendar year so blank before. like what my friend once said, single people will always find activities to fill up their weekends and public holidays.

well, i am leaving july to december of this year free at the moment. (oh, except blocking two weekends for my cousin's wedding.) all other plans i have stop at june 30th. that date is of course the date of one of my "bestest" friend's wedding. and it's the marker for me.

why am i doing this? coz i just don't know what i want to do with my life right now. i know i want a change but i don't know of what kind. i know i want to move on but i don't know to what. i don't want to make decisions that tie me up because i want to be able to, you know, drop and go. get what i mean?

countdown twelve days to my next marker. yep, i set markers. too much of listening to the videos. ok, i know you are clueless of what i mean by this. but cryptic is all i can give right now. coz heck, i don't even know myself now. talk about what woman want. complicated-lah.

p/s: i think kwazy berry has gone bonkers.

...the year of yes.

when i read one of my past entries, i realised that i have actually made a new year resolution out of it. yes, the title of this entry.

quoting kwazy berry on Friday, November 03, 2006:

it is kind of a cool concept - the part about saying yes to anyone who ask you out on a first date

well, i modified it a bit actually. it's more of a "saying yes to anyone who ask me out". it came about when i realised that i have less and less single unmarried and unattached friends. so i'm not gonna mope around at home for lack of a social life. pro-active is the word? or it just sounds plain desperate? u tell me.